It takes awhile to make right with one’s wrongs from the past. Sometimes it never happens at all.
It really depends on the integrity of the person as to how much is purged versus how much is hoarded. There is also the possibility that much has been suppressed, which tends to manifest itself it other negative ways.
Regardless, remembering the bad is important, but can be harmful if not dealt in a constructive manner. This is not always easy. Sometimes is extremely hard. However, the only way to resolve those past liabilities is to work towards not indulging in them. This involves facing them, working through them, and making conscious efforts to not live in them.
Progress over perfection. Perfection is unattainable. There is always room for improvement if one looks hard enough.
When reflecting on past negatives, humility becomes a key factor in moving on. It is hard to admit to one’s self how irrational, how selfish, and how horribly judgmental he/she can be since it is so much easier to project one’s own inferiorities on to others. It is easier to fluff the ego through projection. The ones who project the most usually have either the lack of introspection to look at their own liabilities or the unwillingness to see themselves as less than perfect.
If the projectors want to change their projecting ways, there needs to be an intervention of one’s emotions and reactions to outside stimuli. This stimuli includes people, places, and things that are out of one’s control.
Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements is a good starting point.
Introspection. What did “I” do? Why is it still bothering “me”? What can “I” do about it now?
Humility. “I” did it. “I” regret it. I want to change so that “I” don’t do it again.
Willingness. How can “I” make life better? Who can “I” help avoid the same pitfalls? How can “I” be a maximum service to others?
“I” don’t have the ability to change the past. There is no time for “if I could…I would…”. If a person spends too much time in those statements, then those statements will continue ad infinitum.
As always, these words are easier to say than to put into action. It is up to the individual to make the transition from one to the other.
Change is always possible. Self-forgiveness is always possible. Humility is always possible.
“I” just have to be the one to get the ball rolling. “I” have to ask for guidance if “I” don’t know the answer.
“I” cannot do it on my own.
“I” am no better or worse than those in similar situations. If “I” am, then “I” should be willing to help bring others up.
“I” can change.
So can “You”.